Jellal Bashing One Shot
by insanemonkeyboy
Summary: For those who are wondering what this is... It's a Jellal-bashing one shot. Consider it a sequel to any Naza one shot you happen to like. Pairing is NatsuxErza. Rated M for author's disturbed mind. There won't be any lemons. If you like Jellal you probably shouldn't read this. Lots of OOCness on all fronts.


**I don't own Fairy Tail or the characters. They all belong to Mashima.

If you didn't read the story title (or description), there will be lots of Jellal bashing. Some of it may be a bit disturbing for some of you. If you like Jellal, you probably don't want to read this. If you like Jellal and you ignore my warning and read this anyway, don't fucking blame me, dipshit.**

* * *

Jellal watched from the shade of an alley as Natsu and Erza went into a clothing store. He knew his chance would come soon. Natsu wouldn't be able to stay in a women's clothing store long. And as soon as he got bored and split on Erza, Jellal would swoop in and reclaim the love of his life.

He knew exactly how it would go down. He'd go in and win the red-headed beauty over with his suave moves. Then he'd fuck the shit out of her in the dressing room. Shortly after they got done, Natsu would come back to see if Erza was done dress shopping. He'd try to take the knight back, but after being with a real man Erza wouldn't want to go back to the punk-ass dragon slayer. Of course, Natsu wouldn't accept that, so he'd beat the mage and his gay-ass pink hair into the ground with his totally not gay blue hair and tattooed face. Then he and Erza would leave and skip through fields filled with cute little bunnies and daisies. Just the two of them.

He was almost too lost in his daydream to notice Natsu slip out of the door of the clothing shop and head into the bakery next door. Almost. But his sharp mind never missed anything. Taking advantage of the dragon slayer's absence, he headed into the shop.

It took him a few minutes to find Erza, and even then he just stood there for a few more minutes, suddenly worried. What if his approach didn't turn out the way he hoped it would? What if Erza rejected his proposal and he actually had to force her? He didn't really want to force her, but it was for her own good after all. She needed to see that she belonged with Jellal Fernandez. A real man and a powerful wizard. Hell. He had been a wizard saint, after all.

Finally he drew up the courage. He walked up to Erza and called her name to get her attention. "Erza!"

"Jellal?" She looked surprised. "What are you doing here?"

He grabbed her hand. "Erza, I'm here because you don't belong with that gay-ass, pink-haired, ass-licking, cock-sucking, pig-fucking, brainless, sorry excuse for a dragon slayer. And I'm going to take you from him and make you mine. By force, if necessary."

Her initial reaction was one of shock. Good. Just as expected. Now… YES! Her face was changing again. She most definitely looked turned on.

"You know what would make me really happy Jellal?" She purred, an erotic smile on her face.

"What?" He asked, his heart beginning to race within him.

"If you would say that again – exactly like you did the first time."

"Ok…" He looked into her brown eyes, though it almost looked as though she were looking past him. "I said I'm here because you don't belong with that gay-ass, pink-haired, ass-licking, cock-sucking, pig-fucking, brainless, sorry excuse for a dragon slayer…" He suddenly found himself wiping the sweat from his brow. "Fuck… is something wrong with the AC here?" He forced himself to focus again. "And I'm going to take you from him and make you mine. By force if I have to." He growled as he wiped more sweat from his forehead, noticing that his clothing was suddenly becoming soaked. "Hey!" He yelled, turning toward the counter near the front. "Do something about your…" He trailed off with a surprised, but very manly yelp.

 **~~~Erza~~~**

As Jellal shrieked like a little girl, Natsu reached past the blue-haired wizard to hand Erza the strawberry cake she'd just sent him to pick up. She was impressed that he had the presence of mind to do this.

Suddenly a foul odor assaulted her nose, and she looked down to see a runny, light brown liquid coming from the bottom of Jellal's pants. Apparently, the former "wizard saint" couldn't decide whether to piss himself or shit himself, so he ended up doing both at the same time. And from the same hole, from the look and smell of it.

"Natsu-san… not in the store please!" A distraught shop owner cried as the dragon slayer yanked Jellal up by his frilly collar. Erza couldn't really blame him. She wouldn't want Natsu destroying the store either.

Natsu listened, much to her relief, and hauled Jellal out of the store by his collar, leaving a trail of disgusting, runny shit in his wake. Jellal's white pants were now stained brown all the way down the back and insides of the legs, and she could hear the disgusting squelches of more escaping his probably gaping asshole as he screamed like a little girl again. Erza quickly ran up and grabbed a fold-out chair from a display that was conveniently located in the front, paid for it, and then set it up on the street outside the shop as the beatdown began.

As Jellal tried to escape with meteor, Mira came down the street with Lisanna and Elfman. The three stopped and gaped at the scene as Natsu grabbed the escaping mage's ankle, wrinkling his face in disgust even as his fire burned the shit and clothing off that ankle, and slammed his face into the ground.

"What's going on?" Mira asked Erza.

"Basically, Jellal just threatened to rape me," Erza replied with a sadistic grin as she watched Natsu repeatedly pummel the blue-haired mage's stomach and sides, while the man protected his face as well as he could with his elbows. "So Natsu's beating his sorry ass into the ground."

"Oooh. This should be good." Lisanna ran in and bought three chairs, and soon the Strauss siblings were sitting next to Erza.

"Kicking Jellal's ass is a man!" Declared Elfman loudly as citizens of Magnolia began accumulating around the scene of the battle. Well, it could hardly be called a battle. More like a one sided pummeling.

"Jellal!" There was a shriek from behind them that caused Erza to turn. Meredy was watching Natsu beat the shit out of her former guild leader with a wide, shocked expression. "Erza? Why aren't you stopping this?"

Erza shrugged. "I figure it's fair payback for him threatening to rape me."

"He threatened to what?!" Meredy ran in and grabbed a chair, then came out to join them.

"Meredy – don't desert meeeee!" Jellal wailed as he tried to activate meteor to escape again, only to be caught in a vortex of flames.

Just then Cana emerged from a nearby party store with 4 kegs of booze and several gallon containers of popcorn. Everyone marveled at how she was able to carry all of it, but they didn't question it since she was offering free booze and popcorn.

"Help meeee! Erza!" Jellal screamed in a high-pitched wail as Natsu grabbed him by the nose (saying his ankles were too shitty to touch again) and started beating him back and forth on the ground. Erza got out a camera and started taking pictures.

"What the fuck did Jellal do now?" This was Gray's voice.

"Threatened to rape Erza," Mira whispered to him.

"Ooohh… I have to watch this!" Gray ran in and bought a chair, bringing it out to join the spectators.

There was another disgusting squelch from Jellal, and the spectators all wrinkled their faces up in disgust as more brown liquid seeped through the blue-haired mages pants and onto the ground. By now, most of Fairy Tail was gathered around the scene, having been informed by Happy, who flew off to tell Carla as soon as the beat down began. The liquor store on the far corner of the square had to close down after they were bought out, and the popcorn and nacho vendors were also quickly sold out. The clothing store owner was extremely happy that he decided to put out a display of fold-up chairs on that particular day.

"But I thot u loffed me!" Jellal screamed out like a little girl as Natsu now held him by his blue hair, swinging him around in circles.

"BAD NATSU!" Erza yelled, and Natsu stopped for a moment and looked at her confused. "YOU JUST SPLATTERED HIS SHIT EVERYWHERE!" she clarified.

"Oh. My bad." Natsu said when he saw brown spots on a few of the spectators. He quickly resumed more traditional methods of beating the blue-haired mage.

"Tag out!" Suggested Erza, and Natsu quickly complied, rushing over to her seat.

Erza grinned and requipped to her adamantium armor, Then proceeded to smash the shield into Jellal's face. The mage screamed like a girl again, trying to use meteor to escape, but she had different plans. She requipped to her heaven's wheel armor and he was instantly surrounded by a thousand swords.

"Dance, my swords…" She grinned as Jellal started shrieking, desperately casting spells and trying to break out of her attack. But she'd grown much stronger since he defeated her at the tower. And maybe a tad more sadistic…

Nah, nothing sadistic about this. She was just going to chop his balls off and shove them down his throat. Then make him chew on his dick after she cut that off too.

Jellal seemed to sense this, as he suddenly became very protective of his nether regions. Oh well. She'd have to wear him down a little more first.

Then she noticed an adult toy store that Mira liked to frequent not far away. "Tag in!" She yelled, and Natsu quickly resumed beating Jellal's ass as she ran to the store.

"Give me the biggest dildo you have," she demanded of the owner.

"Umm… Ok…" The owner pulled out a 30-inch long, 4 inch thick black dildo and rang it up. She quickly paid for it and ran back out to the crowd. Gagging slightly at the smell, she rolled the dildo around in the pool of shit that had accumulated under Jellal, who was now lying on the ground, moaning in pain.

"Eat this you bastard," she demanded as she shoved the shit-covered dildo into his open mouth. He gagged and chocked as she started pushing it in and out, while Natsu continued to administer his beating. Several onlookers almost threw up as the blue-haired wizard was force fed his own shit on a dick. Some even started to feel a little sorry for Jellal.

20 minutes later Natsu and Erza dumped Jellal unceremoniously on the floor at an emergency infirmary in town. "Take care of his shitty ass and make sure he doesn't die," Natsu said.

"What happened to him?!" Asked a couple healers in shock.

Erza thought for a moment before responding. "Occupational hazards doc," and the two were gone.

That night, after 3 showers to make sure all traces of Jellal's shit were gone, Natsu Dragneel and Erza Scarlet had hot, steamy, mind-blowing sex. It lasted until Natsu's dick refused to rise to the task anymore and Erza lay in a stupor on the bed mumbling about strawberries, cake, and getting pounded like an animal.

When Jellal awoke 3 days later he had no memories. He didn't even know he could use magic. All he knew was that he had a strange, irrational fear of a place called magnolia, a guild called Fairy Tail, and especially some person named Natsu Dragneel. He also knew there was someone named Erza that he must never go near. When the doctors told him he was in an infirmary in Magnolia, he screamed "Mommy!" in a high, girly voice and ran out without even paying his bill. But that didn't matter, since the doctors had already taken the liberty of collecting the sum from his jewel pouch.

Nobody saw him after that. And if they were honest, nobody even really wondered about it.


End file.
